Just Whine Baby!

Contributed by Auggie

Sometimes karma takes its sweet old time, but when it comes it’s like a cool stream on bruised and weary feet. Depending of course on which end you sit.

The NFL network has a mini-documentary series call “The Timeline” where they chronicle significant events in NFL history. This weekend I happened to catch the episode called “The Tuck Rule” which first aired in 2017. If you are a football fan you probably know what it’s about. On a snowy January night in 2002 in Foxboro, MA, Tom Brady apparently fumbled away the Patriots’ chances to continue its Cinderella season. When the Raiders recovered the ball, victory was imminent barring a miracle. The miracle came in the form of the little-know “Tuck” rule. After reviewing the play, the officials ruled the play an incomplete pass and the Patriots maintained possession. (Even Patriots fans can admit it was a stupid rule; but it was absolutely the correct call of that stupid rule). The Patriots eventually scored on that possession and went on to win that game in overtime. The rest as they say, is history.

The Raiders have a rich history and proud tradition symbolized by the motto “Just Win Baby”, a doctrine attributed to long-time owner Al Davis. They might as well have titled the show “Just Whine Baby” as suggested by the title of this blog, because a significant portion of the program was devoted to just that. Raiders team officials, former players and fans all got in on the act. They went so far as to suggest Tom Brady would never have become the Tom Brady we know, and the Patriots dynasty would not have happened without that egregious call. Ha! I must say, I couldn’t have enjoyed the episode more. For an old-time Patriots fan like yours truly, another fitting title would have been “The Poetic Justice” game. Allow me to explain.

The year was 1976. The nation had celebrated its bicentennial, Apple Computer and Microsoft were incorporated, Jimmy Carter defeated Gerald Ford in the Presidential election and one week before Christmas the New England Patriots were robbed in broad daylight.

That year the Patriots had emerged from years of mediocrity to become a sudden, and surprising NFL powerhouse. It was the team’s first winning season after the NFL-AFL merger and came on the strength of some recent spectacular drafts. In fact, one could argue that the ‘76 team had more talent than any of its 6 Super Bowl winning teams. The Raiders meanwhile dominated the regular season with only one loss. The one loss? It was to the New England Patriots who trampled them 48-17. Let that sink in for a moment! In the divisional round of the playoffs, the Patriots once again had the Raiders beaten despite many controversial calls and non-calls all the favor of the Raiders. When Ken Stabler threw an incomplete pass on 3 and 18 with about 90 seconds left, the game appeared over. But wait! The official decided to call roughing the passer on Ray “Sugar Bear” Hamilton. An entire blog could be written on the ridiculousness of that call, but I leave it to the imaginary readers to do the research if interested. Many an objective witness would call it one of the worst calls ever! In any case, they tacked on an unsportsmanlike penalty on Hamilton for protesting the scandalous call and voila, the Raiders had a first down near the goal line. Shortly after, Stabler ran one in with less than 10 seconds in the game and that was the end.

 
That game always bothered me, right up until the Tuck Rule game that is. (And yes, I’m cognizant of the fact that my personal whining lasted 8 years longer than the Raider nation’s current streak). This is where it gets interesting. In the 1976-77 season, to fully benefit from their undeserved fortunes the Raiders still had to beat the Pittsburg Steelers on the road the following week and then go on to win the Super Bowl, which they did. In the 2001-02 season, after the tuck-rule game the Patriots still had to beat the Pittsburg Steelers on the road the following week, and then go on to win the Super Bowl, which they did. Justice? Check. Poetic? Check!

Black and Blue

If you go to a deserted beach at 10pm and stare out into the water, you mostly see black. Of course, if there is a clear sky and a bright moon, you might catch some pale light reflecting off of breaking waves. That would be expected.

What would not be expected is the sudden eruption of a bright, blue, self-illuminating wave like the one pictured above (photo credit: Elisabetta Mariotti). My family and I stood in awe and watched this phenomenon repeat itself over and over last night on the shoreline in San Clemente. Here's a short video that shows the effect more vividly.

The phenomenon, which has been in the news a fair amount lately, is bioluminescence. It is caused by the same algae that look red in the daytime and cause what is colloquially know as the "red tide". However, when these algae are jostled about, they emit chemiluminescent light.

Whole new meaning to the phrase "black and blue"...

What Are the Odds?

So I'm walking past Romeo's room (my son) with a cup of water in my hand. He's in there with a nerf basketball taking half court shots from the far corner when a rebound kicks out to me. I toss it back to him and call for an alley-oop.

For any imaginary readers who are not familiar with the term, an "alley oop" is a pass over the rim where your teammate (me in this example) catches the pass and dunks the ball in one fluid motion. I think the rule is, if you can do this in High School, you get to take a cheerleader to the prom.

Anyway, I'm standing near the basket, cup of water in my left hand and my right hand raised up near the rim, ready for the slam (and the cheering imaginary crowds). To execute this play, Romeo would need to slightly overshoot the hoop, ensuring that the ball would reach me on the far side of rim. However, he uncorked a floating shot, with perfect arch and backspin, that swished through the hoop while barely touching the flimsy net. I never touched it.

Thereafter, the ball dropped directly down and lodged into my cup of water. Long odds, for sure.

Landing in my cup was highly unlikely given that the diameter of the spongy ball was greater than the diameter of my cup and anything but the perfect shot would have bounced out. But there is more to this story...

Naturally, I was not about to walk away following a failed alley-oop, so I kicked the ball back out to half court and called the play again. However, this time, I reached my left hand out into the hallway, around the corner, to prevent any accidental water spilling if a similar result were to occur.  I also initiated a vocal countdown of the play-clock "3...2...1..." to add some drama to the situation and give the imaginary crowd more joy when we undoubtedly triumphed.

Romeo, ever tuned in to the play clock, gathered my pass and hastily jacked up an off-balance attempt. It was offline and I had to reach to the right to get a hand on it. Alas, it was a little out of my range and the most I could do was deflect it. Which I did. Right into the hallway. Around the corner. Into my cup.

Two for two. And I never spilled a drop...

First World Problems

We all know this term..."first world problems". It is commonly bandied about by high-minded people who think we should all be a little more grateful for our circumstances and little less likely to complain about tiny fissures in our luxurious surroundings.

Now, I know what you imaginary readers are thinking; You're thinking "that's exactly how Den acts". Case in point, my last post had a particularly snooty take on the world's "unequal distribution of wealth".

Well, truth is, I can be quite petty when I want to be. I'm versatile that way...

In fact, to demonstrate the point, I'd like to share with you my current, most nagging, first world problem. It's the ubiquitous unevenly cut bagel. It drives me crazy. I mean, if your job is to cut bagels in half, how little effort must you expend to just slow down and get the two sides approximately equal in size?

I'm telling you, the first world will be a much happier place to live once we eradicate the unnecessary evil of the uneven bagel slice. (And make charging cords longer so we can watch iPad movies in bed when our batteries are dead).

A Sad Comment on Humanity

You can probably guess from the title what this post is about. That's right... Home Owners Associations.

I know this topic may not resonate with all imaginary readers, especially those in rural areas where the specter of these repulsive Associations is less pronounced. But this blog is for me to spew my opinions, and I happen to have one about the human shortcomings that lead to the existence of HOA's.

I find it odd that the human species evolved to thrive using social strategies, such as community agriculture, healthcare and education, yet individuals cannot live near one another without paying a full-time board of referees to resolve their disputes. And I use the term "dispute" lightly because, in this case, it includes grave matters like agreeing on what types of plants each neighbor can have in their yards, what color they can paint their front doors, and whether or not they can build a deck in their back yard. Thorny topics indeed.

There's an economic principle at the heart of the matter; the idea is that your home is more of an investment than it is a place to live, and you cannot risk the value of said investment without having some reassuring authority regulate the appearance of the neighborhood. Clearly, if Clarence down the street does not cut his grass on a regular basis, his unkempt yard could negatively affect the curb appeal of every nearby home. Possibly true, definitely absurd.

I did a quick search and learned (see for yourself: HOA statistics) that about a quarter of all Americans (including me) now live under the iron fist of an HOA. Sadly, we collectively pay nearly $100 billion per year in dues for this oversight. The average family among us pays between $200 and $300/month for the privilege of an Association that writes down how all disputes should get resolved and then steps in when anyone questions the rules.

Now, I'm no math major but I know this. The UN estimates that we could end world hunger with $116 billion (makes me wonder why we haven't done that yet, but I'll save the topic for a blog on another day). According to my calculations, we could take HOA fees for less than 14 months and completely cover the world hunger bill. Sure, if we stopped funding the HOA's, someone in your neighborhood might paint their front door a "property-value-reducing" shade of purple, but that seems like a reasonable trade-off for ending world hunger.

The unequal distribution of wealth in the world is a major problem, probably humanity's biggest current challenge. However, as I suggested in my post about relative wealth, we don't really seem very focused on reversing it. In fact, we seem much more focused on accelerating the disparity. HOA's are a visible symbol of people with a fair degree of wealth, going to great lengths, to ensure that no other person negatively affects their ongoing accumulation of even greater wealth.

The whole concept is a sad comment on humanity.

Relative Wealth: The Key to Happiness?

You know what they say... "Money can't buy happiness". Well, it turns out, like many things they say, that's only sort of true. Money does appear to buy happiness, regardless of how much you have, as long as you have relatively more of it than the people in your immediate proximity.

Don't believe me? Well, this has been very well studied and thoroughly documented in sociological study after sociological study (Robert Frank's book "Luxury Fever" for reference).  The guy with the biggest shack in the poor part of town is almost always happier than the guy with the crappiest mansion in the uppity neighborhood. Humans tend to compare themselves to their neighbors and then decide if they should feel happy about their privileged circumstances, or sad about their comparative shortcomings.

This concept has been further validated by the popularity of literature that resonates with the masses. In "King Rat", a novel by James Clavell, the author built a story around the lives of dirty, starving war prisoners, living among rats in a mud pit. The King Rat was the guy who lived in the dry corner of the pit and somehow got cigarettes from the guards. Despite his bleak existence, he was well off compared to the other prisoners in the pit and, therefore, about as happy as any free man living in comfort with relatively more wealth than his neighbors.

Unfortunately, relative wealth leads to an infinite number of "arms races" that we commonly call "keeping up with the Joneses". You cannot reach a level of income, choose to live within those means, and coast along through a happy existence if your neighbors keep aspiring to a grander lifestyle. You must keep up; otherwise, you will become relatively less wealthy and subject to the daily comparisons that defeat happiness. No one can stop climbing unless everyone stops climbing, and those near the bottom have no incentive to stop. Their very happiness depends on gaining a little relative wealth. This produces a perpetual cycle of struggle to gain wealth.

The solution? There may not be one. However, if we could all try to compare our means to our needs rather than comparing our means to our neighbor's means, that would be a step in the right direction. Simply ask yourself, are your basic needs met? If so, can you stop longing for more and start appreciating what you already have. 

It sounds simple, but we all know it is not.

Most Important Day of My Life

The most important day of my life unfolded exactly 27 years ago today.

The night before, I had driven from my apartment in Milan to Venice for an ophthalmic industry conference. As several hundred attendees wandered into the venue, I caught my first glimpse of my future wife. She was some distance away and surrounded by a pack of young Italian studs, all vying for her attention. She had a warm smile and a general air of confidence that suggested a strong character. I remember the moment well, even if I didn’t fully understand it at the time.

During a conference break, she strolled through the Exhibit Hall wearing blue-tinted contact lenses; no doubt gifted to her from some enterprising conference exhibiter who was eager to advertise his wears. In a land of near-universal brown eyes, a blue-eyed fashion statement attracts attention and she quickly garnered an audience of romantic suitors, each topping the next with lavish praise about the beauty of her blue eyes.

I found myself in this group of admirers, although I was clearly in no position to compete. I had the least swarthy complexion, no three-day stubble, and a complete lack of hip fashion. Worst of all, my limited Italian skills left me with no “game” when it came to flirtatious banter.

Unexpectedly, amid the raucous cacophony of complements, a brief instance of calm settled on the group as she glanced in my direction. It was an unexpected opportunity to engage with her directly, a stroke of good fortune that was nearly wasted on a guy with such poor command of the local language. On the spur of the moment, I conjured a simple truth from my stunted vocabulary: "Non mi piace. Sembra non posso vedere le tue occhi". Literally, “I don’t like. Seems like I can’t see your eyes.”

Luckily for me, she was (and still is) a person who deeply appreciates honesty. My brusque comment had struck the mark and left my rivals muttering under their collective breath. She and I found ourselves seated next to each other at a group dinner that evening, and then joined a spontaneous gaggle of revelers that strolled the city after dining. As the night wound down, I asked her to join me for a walk on the beach (according to lore, the literal translation of my request sounded something like: “You walk... me go... beach... now together... yes?”). She politely declined my eloquent inquiry.

She returned to Rome where I sent her some grammatically ambiguous letters and we began to get to know one another through the geographic and language barriers that separated us. Eventually, I visited her in Rome and, as we grew closer, we would sometimes take weekend trains to meet in Florence, the halfway point between Rome and Milan. Alas, I was highly focused on my career and was not willing to elevate a romantic relationship to the top rung of my life ladder. She appreciated my brutal honesty about my life priorities, but dumped me just the same.

We both moved on to other relationships over the next couple of years but would see each other platonically whenever I was in Rome. Once, during a platonic walk following a platonic dinner, I naturally reached out and took her hand. It wasn’t a premeditated gesture; it just felt right at the time. She reciprocated naturally; holding my hand warmly in hers and suddenly, it wasn’t platonic anymore.

Over the next year, our relationship got more serious and she sought a transfer to Milan so we could be together more frequently. Although I still had strong career aspirations, I knew she was special and I was eager for a more serious commitment. As luck would have it, during that same time period, I was offered a substantial promotion for an assignment in Hong Kong; it was a professional “dream come true” and I enthusiastically accepted it. The assignment would involve heavy travel that we both understood would not be conducive to relationship building. We spent the weekend together in Rome before our second amicable split and then went fondly on our separate ways.

From Hong Kong, I sent her a letter with some photos of our final time together, along with my new contact information, but I never heard back. I knew that splitting had been difficult for both of us and I interpreted her silence to mean that she would find it easier if we just broke off the relationship cleanly. It turns out that she never received my letter and interpreted my silence as a signal that I was the one seeking a clean break. A full year passed without any communication between us.

At one point, in the course of preparing for a business trip to Italy, I decided to call her. The only phone number that I had for her was at her office; I dialed it and reached her immediately. This was perhaps the second most important day of my life as, when my call arrived, she was packing her desk on her final day of work. Had I waited another hour to call, I may never have spoken to her again.

Fast forward: we met up in Rome and rekindled our relationship. In 1998, I transferred from Hong Kong back to the USA, stopping in Rome to pick her up. We landed in Maine, bought a car, and drove it to California in accordance with the old adage that “if you can survive driving across the country together, then you can survive being married to one another”. We got married the next spring and promptly pro-created three times.

So that's how it all played out after April 24^th, 1993, the day I first laid eyes on Elisabetta, the most important day of my life.

RIP Ray Chapman

January 15, 1891 – August 17, 1920

Cleveland Indians shortstop died at age 29 after being struck in the head by a pitched ball on August 16, 1920. This was the first of several notable, relatable events that occurred on the date August 16th throughout history.  Here is a short summary of those events.

On 50 Trips Around the Sun...

This is a list of 50 reflections from my particular 50-years of life, which may or may not overlap much with anyone else's particular experiences. For imaginary readers in a hurry, it more or less sums up into this 5-word philosophy that seems to work for me: Work Hard. Be Kind. Repeat.

On Social Structure

1. Every kid grows up in a world significantly changed from the one in which their parents grew up. This is the source of an inevitable, cultural, age gap.

2. People tend to live at the very peak of their economic means, with every penny committed and no room for disruption. This creates great stress, but few are able to resist the habit.

3. Now I see people living at the top of their logistical means, with every spare moment committed and no room for disruption. I think this is equally, if not more stressful.

4. I think I understand the evolutionary benefits of “tribe-loyalty” that led to modern fan loyalty to sports teams. However, given how the players move from team to team, I don’t understand why it persists.

5. Travelling the world is a great way to develop perspective. So is staying in your hometown and cultivating life-long relationships. These two paths may result in different sensibilities, but one is not superior to the other.

6. The selfless soccer mom seems, on the surface, to sacrifice everything for her family. In my view, many of them selfishly undermine their own communities in their efforts to gain personal advantages. More thoughts on soccer moms here.

7. As the saying goes, “Capitalism is the worst economic system in the world, except for all the others that have been tried”. That quote is a veiled endorsement for the American way, but capitalism has some serious flaws and promotes inequality.

8. Disparity in wealth is the world's most pressing issue, and is the number one source of unhappiness and conflict.

9. If I had been born on the other side of the border, I would cross it illegally to get better education and healthcare for my children. As I've written about Mexico, it boggles my mind that not all parents agree, but then again, point 25 might explain this.

10. Division of labor gave society a great leap forward. But it came with a price. Now, self-sufficiency is not possible.

11. Work is the constant in the structure of our social lives. Even if you have enough resources to eschew full time employment, the best course might be to stay employed. Winning the lottery has wrecked many otherwise fulfilling lives.

On Attitude and Perspective

12. Life is not fair. If you want it be fair, then start by treating others fairly. It will still be unfair, but at least you did your part to help, and did not contribute to the inherent unfairness at large.

13. I suspect that some people go long stretches in their lives without thinking much about how well their actions reflect their values. I think it is probably worthwhile to reflect often, maybe even continuously.

14. You cannot save time, you can only spend it. If you don’t think very carefully about what is important to you, you may not spend your time wisely.

15. A majority of great accomplishments come from those who are singularly focused. Such unbalanced people have been important in history. But I think I’d rather be balanced.

16. If you don’t like someone, you may not know him or her well enough. It is relatively easy to accept someone’s offending behavior once you understand the personal experience that has shaped it.

17. You should take some calculated risks in your life, but don’t be reckless with other people's hearts.

18. Every body thinks they are good at reading people. In fact, one of the traits that makes us human is an astounding ability to perform mental accounting, consider another person’s actions, and draw conclusions about their motives. We’re all good at it.

19. Almost nobody is as good at reading people as they think they are. And few are really any better then everyone else. Adults commonly under-estimate the complexity and nuance of the people they know.

20. There are no dumb people. Not everyone is smart in the same ways but everyone has their strengths. Not all strengths are equally valued in every society, but they’re still intellectual strengths.

21. Carrying a grudge is a burden you choose. Letting it go is probably a better choice.

On Human Nature

22. I hate the way people seek confirming evidence, and ignore contradictory evidence, with regards to the things they want to believe. Not sure why humans cling to favored ideas at the expense of understanding the truth.

23. When traveling abroad, it is easy to notice the cultural differences from country to country. I have always been more struck by the glaring similarities among people the world over.

24. I think people are too uptight about privacy. We should all protect our identities and credit cards, but worry less about a supermarket tracking our purchases and a web-browser tracking our online movements.  More on privacy here.

25. We all have things in common, but everybody is different. You just need to accept it. YOUR logic, even if impeccable, is not likely to change THEIR nature.

26. Truism: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You really do need to struggle and be challenged if you want to learn and grow. Confidence never comes to the over-protected, nor does conviction.

On the Cycle of Life

27. Heroic end of life care doesn't make sense to me, especially if the quality of the remaining life will be poor. Why extend poor quality of life?

28. I think we should honor and cherish old people much more than we do. If we did, old age would be a more inviting destination.

29. The constant battle against aging is a futile effort and might not be waged so vigorously if we could all see the tremendous value of perspective that only aging can bring.

30. If we could more consciously appreciate the brevity of a single lifetime, accept the aging process, and embrace our own inevitable mortality, life perspective would improve. We would have less angst as we age, and less sorrow/regret when we lose our elders.

31. Species appear on earth, thrive or struggle, and then disappear. This terminal track record for all life forms has been clear and unblemished. Humans will also become extinct one day. Our time on earth is brief in the scope of ecological time.

On Religion

32. To the extent that organized religion fosters community and promotes kindness, I am all for it. Not sure why it always gets tangled up in the concepts of creation and the afterlife.

33. Faith can be a great positive force and I am happy for all that have it. But I’m not sure we should brainwash our children to believe; probably best if they come to believe on their own.

34. If there is a god, and if he’s all-powerful, then he’s not benevolent. All-powerful means you can teach lessons without tragedy and suffering.

35. “God works in mysterious ways” translates into, “I want to believe so badly that I am willing to ignore all the suffering”.

Random Reflections

36. Reading fiction is very educational. The stories may be specifically untrue, but good writing can efficiently fill your brain with new perspectives.

37. Multi-tasking is about the most over-rated “skill” I can imagine. In fact, there is no such thing as multi-tasking, there is only a continuum of distraction that one might tolerate while performing a single task.

38. For many of us, the sound of birds has been a common source of background noise for all of our lives, and tuning it out is natural. But it is free music for the soul if you pause to listen.

39. I really hate waste born of laziness. It is a despicable, and all too common, human trait. More thoughts on waste here.

40. Achieving a world-changing accomplishment in one lifetime is difficult and unlikely. If you want to impact the world, your best bet is to raise confident, conscientious children who are well grounded and who care about others. Your kids are your final report card.

41. The pen is absolutely mightier than the sword. Violent defeat by the sword will not change the attitudes that initially led, and will lead again, to conflict. Shaping underlying attitudes with the pen, through dialogue, is the path toward lasting change. More on why speeches matter here.

42. If you can only be known for one thing, be known for being kind. Show your kindness to those least able to repay you.

43. Don’t underestimate the power of punctuality. When you show up late, you basically signal that you don’t respect other people’s time. That’s usually a bad thing to signal.

44. You should know what you stand for, and you should stand for it consistently. Even if it is in a small, subtle manner that no one else notices. You will know.

45. Driving courteously is a great stress reliever. This works for you and for the recipients of your courtesy. But, as written here, over-courteousness can be a problem.

46. Don’t be afraid to do something for nothing. This is one of my father’s sayings that took me many years to appreciate. If you don’t appreciate it yet, keep trying.

47. Rereading a book you enjoyed the first time is almost always a surprising delight. You only have one chance to read a good book for the second time.

48. Having alternative personal choices is better than having no personal choices. But in terms of ultimate happiness, having only a few choices is best. Decisions become burdensome when too many alternatives are at hand. Earlier I wrote about the angst of high-schoolers with too many choices.

49. Even though we all know how boring it is to hear someone brag about his or her kids, you should brag about yours anyway.

50. Despite all the reasons why it makes sense, I don’t like the philosophy of living in the present. Your present is most appreciated in the context of the past, and hopefully, it is a product of the plans you made when it was your future. I prefer to spend some time in all three time zones.

Best? Or Most Valuable?

Somewhere along the line, I think the acronym MVP began to take on a less nuanced definition akin to "best".

This creeping definition has lead to many debates among sports fans, and fueled arguments about who deserves an MVP award. Some support the player they see as best, while others focus on the definition of "valuable" and favor a player they feel contributes most to team success.

This year in the NBA, there was general consensus that LeBron James was the best player, and strong, simultaneous speculation that Kevin Durant would win the MVP. I found myself mystified by this, as I sit among those who would give the award to the "best" player. Frankly, I couldn't understand why Durant was so highly considered by so many knowledgeable fans of the game.

That all changed when he accepted the award with this 26 minute speech:



You imaginary readers know that I think that speeches matter, and Durant's acceptance speech made me cry. It was the kind of speech that can galvanize a team. It was the kind of speech that can motivate an entire organization. It was the kind of speech that can touch a community and pull millions of casual observers into the emotional vortex of a championship run. No ability to shoot, pass, or defend is more valuable than a speech like that.

Kevin Durant is the MVP.