I know that seeing great wonder and the joy of discovery on the face of your child is a delight like few others. I have witnessed and experienced this first hand on many occasions. On some of those occasions, the wonder was manufactured by my own lies about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and most elaborately, the Tooth Fairy.One of my children lost a tooth tonight and is sleeping with that tooth under her pillow right now. Before going to bed, I will sneak in and replace that tooth with some cold hard cash. It's a fun ritual for everyone involved and it is one of life's small pleasures for which I am thankful.
The only problem is that my children have taken to leaving notes for the Tooth Fairy and, having set a precedent by responding to the first note, I am now locked in to an ever increasing chain of deceitful responses. They have asked many written questions and I have left detailed explanations about where the fairies live, how they got their names, if they know one another, what they do with the teeth, how they get inside the house, etc. These notes get saved and referenced by my kids as they generate more questions based on past answers. When I leave a reply that contradicts an earlier message, they grill the Fairy at the next lost tooth and I am left to spin an ever far reaching explanation to reconcile the expanding web of lies.
I know I should not get hung up over this but I really do not feel good about deceiving my children. Even though it is done for their entertainment and is not likely to cause any damage in any way, it just doesn't feel right to lie to them. I would be happy to play along if they didn't ask me such direct questions and didn't study my face so intently as I answered.
They are remarkably perceptive. This gives me great angst about the prospect of being caught lying to them but great hope that they will understand why I've done it.
Santa Claus has always been the incentive for kids to act on their best behavior. Parents lie to their children and tell them a Santa exists because it forces their children to behave. "If you're not a good little girl, Santa is not going to leave you any presents." What better incentive do they need than more free stuff they'll ignore in a few months? It's kind of like telling people that if they don't sin they'll go to heaven when they die. Or setting up a list of behaviors to abide by, like say for arguments sake there are ten. It's just a means of molding behavior. I wonder if priest's blogs tell of the same guilt they feel? "Today I felt really bad. During confession this man told me he cheated on his wife and then stabbed a man. I felt guilty telling him that 10 Hail Mary's and 5 Our Father's was enough to make up for it."
ReplyDeleteI never quite understood the tooth fairy though. Maybe it's a way to make children feel better about losing teeth. It probably is a bad thing. I mean you are basically getting rewarded for doing nothing at all, rewarded for simply growing up. It sets a bad precedent. Later in life, we expect the same thing. We expect to be rewarded for doing nothing at all (i.e. collecting unemployment). At least with Santa, we reward good behavior. But who are we kidding, even if your kid was a pain in the ass the entire year, you still get them something. So in the end, you're just following parenting protocol (page 56 in the manual).
I feel that the fact the kids are expressing such skepticism is makes this OK. Learning to challenge and explore things that don't make sense help develop problem solving skills.
ReplyDeleteI, myself, am quite the skeptic. As a kid I challenged such imaginary figures like Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. and today, I continute to challenge imaginary figures like Debt Collectors, Meter-Maids and Laundry-Load-Limits
start saving for their therapy.
ReplyDeletehmmmm, my male children (a.k.a. two of the above posters) never questioned or contemplated - they just took the money and worked on loosening the next tooth
ReplyDeleteReitrof
your are right reitrof, i beleive the author probably did the same!
ReplyDeletemama bear
actually, i mean the author AND his siblings!
ReplyDeletemama bear
There will be a net gain in the long run. Similar to what Jordan was saying, your kids are inquisitive and they are using critical analysis skills while they are still developing. This is a good thing. You might still want to prepare for a future lawsuit.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as they got old enough, we kept it going, but as a big game of pretend
ReplyDeleteThat's what you get for trying to be clever with your kids. You should know by now you are just opening a can of worms. They are too smart and are actually just playing with you. When you leave the room they laugh at you and snicker that they sure have you squirming about in your lies. Next time I am in Cali I will tell them the truth - the Tooth Fairy is a guy, that Bunny character is in cahoots with the American Dental Association, and there can't be no Santa, because he is in Jail.
ReplyDeleteBoo Hoo! You're back from Africa! How are the starving children?
ReplyDelete