A Brief Lesson in Grace

It was about 10pm and I was the only customer filling my tank at the station. He approached from behind the building; an older gentleman, unkempt, perhaps drunk.

Despite the potentially dangerous circumstances, he radiated a gentle vibe of harmlessness and I looked him in the eye as he neared me. I offered a smile and he predictably but politely asked me for spare change. His demeanor was proud at the core, but draped in a cloak of humility, like a capable man reluctantly seeking help with a tenuous problem. His warm expression and optimistic tone could not completely mask the undertone of desperation in his voice. Mostly, he struck me as a man genuinely in need of a break.

I handed him a twenty-dollar bill, which he beheld with what seemed like profound gratefulness, and stared back at me for a brief moment with misted eyes. He spoke no words of thanks, but I felt his deep sense of appreciation. Not appreciation for the small monetary gift, but rather, for seeing him, for trusting him, and for not deeming him worthless. He had taken my gesture as reinforcement for what he already believed about himself, and stood before me, magnificently vulnerable yet seemingly focused on a better tomorrow.

Before shuffling into the darkness, he surprised me with a hug, a heartfelt receipt for my offering. I had no doubt that, wherever he was going, he would get there eventually. Perhaps he would need some help along the way, but he was clearly intent on helping himself; a man down but not defeated, behind in the game but sure of his imminent comeback. 

As I drove home and reflected on the contrast between the current circumstances of our very different lives, I felt a pang of guilt for the near spotless record of good fortune in mine. And I realized that this chance encounter, an unexpected exchange on a random Tuesday night, was just another good break for me. I had gone out to fill my tank, and ended up as the lucky recipient of a brief lesson in grace.