A Bull and a Pig

So, news from my local newspaper back in Maine can sometimes be a little more "down home" than the news you imaginary readers probably see in your parts. Case in point, this recent story about a bull that gored a jogger on a running trail not far from where I grew up.

Now don't get me wrong; I am sorry that the jogger was mildly injured and I am sure the entire experience was frightening for her, but I am much more interested in the details about the bull. Apparently, he and his best friend, a pig, had recently escaped from a nearby farm and were living like a couple of frat brothers in the proximate woods. A curious image indeed!

I'll bet it was the pig's idea. He was probably tired of the sty-life, rolling in filth and eating slop, so he hatched a plan to go off into the world and be free. He may have realized, when he couldn't reach the gate latch, that he would need help along the way. 

I imagine he might have asked the sheep for help and learned that they were all rule followers who didn't want to cross the farmer. He probably gave no serious consideration to the chickens because they have short attention spans and were unlikely strong enough to unlatch the gate. The horse would have been strong enough to help, but probably too comfortable as a quasi-pet to consider a radical break from his cushy farm life. The goat? Nah, kind of a jerk and his kids are all hyper. I'll bet the pig settled on the bull as the logical choice after no more than a minute of contemplation.

I wonder what he used for a sales pitch: "Hey Bull, I heard the cows mocking you the other day.  The farmer too... he uses the term "bullshit" for everything he dislikes. If I were you, I'd think about breaking out of this place. I wouldn't go alone though, you'll need someone clever to help you survive on the outside."

Next thing you know, the bull and the pig are sneaking out the back gate, way over-confident and self-congratulatory to realize that, within a couple cold and hungry days, they'd be mugging joggers to steal their protein bars. Turns out that domestic, inter-species, farm couples don't thrive naturally in the Maine woods. Who knew...?

Back on the farm, the bull and the pig may have been folk heroes in absentia for a short time, but I wonder what the other animals are saying about them after their local news exposure and shameful return? Maybe they'll get a book or a movie deal out of it...