Who's your caddy?

Contributed by Auggie
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We’re leading up to the final major of the year but there is still a lot of chatter about last week’s Bridgestone Invitational tournament, where Adam Scott played a key role in propelling Steve Williams to victory (see photo of Adam Scott congratulating Williams on his impressive win). Yeah, I realize Scott is the player and Williams is the caddy but you would never know it listening to Williams’ post-round interview where he talks about “his 145 career victories” and “how confident he is with a lead on Sunday”. I don’t remember Stevie hitting a single shot, but I did see him toss some grass into the air once to test the wind direction. In other news, the towel boy for the Green Bay Packers is going for his second consecutive Super Bowl this season. Give it a rest man; no one tunes in to watch the Sherpas.

The only thing more annoying than Williams' self admiration is the media’s continued obsession with all things Tiger – which is why Williams was interviewed in the first place. As you may know, Williams was Tiger’s long-time caddy before being fired a couple weeks ago, purportedly in part because he caddied for Adam Scott while waiting for Tiger to get back in the game. The story was just too juicy for the feeble-minded media to pass up. In all my years of golf viewing couch potatoism it’s the first time I have seen a caddy interviewed after a tournament. But here is the best part. After creating a Williams vs Woods story and beating it to death, the same press then has the audacity to ask the question “Is Adam Scott’s victory being overshadowed by the attention to Steve Williams?”. You think? And Voila! - just like that you have another 3-day story that has nothing to do with the actual sport. I hate the mainstream media.

Here’s to hoping for a great PGA championship this week. Maybe Scott and Woods will miss the cut and we can focus on golf

Commencement Speeches

I like commencement speeches.  I think they come at a time when the graduates in the audience believe they are thinking about the future, but are really only thinking marginally further ahead.  Rather than an immediate focus on final exams, they may be dreaming about the next four years of college, or maybe planning for their first steps in an entry-level position after college.  In the scheme of things, that's still a pretty tight focus.

A good commencement speech should inspire a bigger, broader, more encompassing mindset.  It should shatter the short-term focus on "what to do" and recenter the audience on "how to do".  It should also hold the attention of antsy graduates and engage them at a personal level.

I don't give Conan's speech at Dartmouth my highest marks like many in the press have done, but it is pretty good.  Here's a short video of highlights that focuses more on his humorous lines than on his wisdom. The entire speech is also available on YouTube if you wish to see it.

Wh-wh-whats up with that?

Contributed by Auggie
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Some people worry that cartoon violence will have long-lasting effects on the children who watch said cartoons. Relax. I haven’t seen one case of a coyote being tricked into a 1000 foot canyon plunge only to have a boulder land on his head after surviving the fall. And besides, you can’t even buy an ACME instant hole on the market, as Jack Hartley can attest. I would be more concerned about the long-range effects of other cartoon characters such as Porky Pig.

I haven’t taken a speech class lately but I seem to have missed the transition where stuttering went from a disorder that people struggle to overcome, to a deliberate speaking technique. The recent movie The King’s Speech helps illustrate how far back individuals strived to overcome a stuttering disorder to improve their public speaking. King George VI thought it important enough to work with a speech therapist. Why then do some people presumably stutter intentionally? I’ve noticed this trend in my personal and work interactions, and also on television. Exhibit A is Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News who regularly appears on ESPN’s The Sports Reporters Sunday mornings. Lupica is one of the most prominent sports reporters in America and as far as I know he doesn’t have a speaking disorder, but you would never know from listening to him t-t-t-try to make a point on the show.

In case anyone else has noticed this annoying intentional stuttering trend and is wondering what’s up, I have a few theories (big surprise) which are summarized below.

1) Extend floor time. Here the speaker is basically saying “it’s my turn to speak and I demand equal time even if I don’t have enough to say so I’ll extend my time by stuttering”. It seems to work.

2) Accentuate a point. If you are familiar with social norms around modern day group discussion, you know that interruptions occur about once every 4.8 seconds. Consequently, the speaker has to whiz through his points like an auctioneer on meth. Any pause is akin to a vacuum, and we all know that nature abhors a vacuum. So, if you want to emphasize a particular point, simply stutter your way through it to give your audience time to absorb the point while foiling potential interruptions. Brilliant.

3) Laziness. This explains a lot of other things as well.

If only the King had known

Storm at the Capitol

This dramatic photo is copyright protected by Ryan Heffernan.

Waste Not, Want Not

I've decided that my least favorite human trait is wastefulness. That's right, I find it more reprehensible than lying and stealing.

Lying and stealing seem to be generally motivated by some self-serving plan geared toward personal gain.  At least that shows an engaged mind and a sense of purpose.  Wasting shows me that you are blind to the disproportionate scattering of wealth and resources in the world, and oblivious to the good fortune of plentifulness.

I have learned to tolerate thieves and liars because most fall into one of two categories.  They are either desperate, in which case I have no right to judge them from my relatively privileged lot in life, or they are still on the path to learning that lying and stealing do not bring happiness.  This is a path we all travel, as we are not born with an understanding of the consequences wrought by dishonesty within a cooperative social structure.  Most of us travel this path as children, some as young adults, but for the most part, we all arrive at the final destination eventually.

That vast majority of people I know, me included, are wasteful to a shameful degree.  Our cars burn too much fuel and we drive them too much.  We throw away food that is not prepared to our liking, replace perfectly functional clothing as style preferences shift.  We manipulate the climates within our homes and work settings to maintain a ridiculously narrow range of comfortable temperature and humidity levels.  For some of us, the amount of clean water that runs down our drains and toilets on a given day is nothing short of criminal. 

I'm not casting stones here.  As I've been known to say, "we most easily see the flaws in others that we have already recognized in ourselves".  I am wasteful too.  But I am aware of it; I don't like it; and I am actively moving in the right direction.  Are you?

Gotta Love Phillies Fans - Again

This ad hoc series on fan behavior continues.  We wrote in the past about about Met's fans, and then about Phillies fans, and now, Phillies fans again.

Yesterday, our Philadelphia brethren added to their legacy of irreverence.  On Science day, an event conjured to imbue intellectual curiosity into our impressionable youth, the Phillies organization partnered with the University of Pennsylvania and arranged to have a robot throw out the first pitch.  Seemed like a interesting approach, and in another city, probably would have been a stellar success.

In Philly however, the land where fans have booed Santa and cheered when opposing players were injured, the robot failed to impress.  Perhaps they were expecting 90 mph on the black, but the engineers toned down the velocity to protect the team mascot at the receiving end of the pitch.  The robot unleashed a soft one-hopper and was resoundingly booed.

You can read more and see the video of the first pitch here.

Travel Notes

Feet 
As per my earlier post on this topic, the disturbing trend of barefoot flying has shown no sign of abating. According to my non-scientific study, the propensity to remove footwear in flight is highest among those with the gnarliest toes. On my most recent flight, two out of four people in my row removed their shoes and socks for the trip.

Karma 
So a chunky lady with a large stain on her shirt forced her way past me in the security line. I was not late, so I didn’t really care. After we passed through the scanner, with her directly in front of me, she was randomly selected for a complete luggage search. As I strolled by the search scene, she glanced my way, and I uttered a one-word greeting, “karma”. She gave me the finger.

Pillows
Do adults really need to carry a full-sized, foam pillow into the airport, through security, and onto the plane? Since the typical airplane seat cannot accommodate a full-sized person and such a pillow, those who carry them aboard must hold their pillows in their laps. Doesn’t look all that comofrtable to me.

Overhead bags 
There is constant tension between the airlines, who would like passengers to carry less luggage aboard their flights, and the public, who like to carry as much as possible with them. I contend that the root of this problem is the airline industry’s inability to handle luggage with respect. If we passengers could check bags and have them arrive in good condition, we might consider doing so more often.

Kids on Planes 
Screaming kids who kick my seat used to bother me. Then I procreated three times and added to the world’s population of screaming seat-kickers. A couple of years ago, one of my progeny vomited on a fellow passenger during a trans-Atlantic flight, so I am now running a deficit in my annoyance “delivered-received” account. We’re about to take off on a long flight and I have a screamer right behind me, good chance to work down my remaining balance.

Earth Eclipsing the Sun

Here's something you don's see everyday, a view of the sun, with the earth partially blocking your view.  This was taken from the Solar Dynamics observatory, orbiting the earth at about 22,000 miles above the surface.

Putting the "Mad" in March Madness

It's that time of year again; I blogged about it almost exactly a year ago. You know what I'm talking about.

It's that time, when the best college basketball teams in the country face off against one another, and the public is unified by their intense interest in young men whose names they had never heard a week earlier.  It is also that time of year when some person of note makes a loud, public ruckus about the obvious social flaw revealed by our national apathy toward the woman's tournament.

This year, the ruckus-maker is Geno Auriemma, coach of the UConn woman's team, who used his post game press conference after an early-round win, to blast the UConn fans for not showing up to cheer.  His premise was that the fans are spoiled and consider it "a given" that the team will make it to the final four.  He surmised that they are all waiting until the more important games before showing up.

History and market research both tell us that he is wrong.

I think that most agree about certain, positive aspects of school sports programs.  They are great opportunities for student athletes to learn about dedication, teamwork, and leadership.  Many participants learn invaluable life skills and important lessons about winning, losing, commitment, and sportsmanship.  For those who choose to participate, these programs can change their lives in many positive ways.

However, benefits to the student athletes do not translate directly into "interesting spectator opportunities" and, unfortunately, woman's basketball is boring to the masses.  You can put it on TV but it won't pull a large viewing audience.  You can play it in a big arena but not many will come to see it.  And you can attach heightened importance to each game in a championship tournament, but most don't really care.

Memo to Geno, the fans aren't spoiled, they just have more interesting ways to spend their time and money.

The Three Musk-a-tears

Contributed by Auggie
Insensitive sports fan
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When Lebron James decided (on national television) to take his talents to South Beach last July to join Dwayne Wade and newcomer Chris Bosh, the Miami Heat became instant villains in the minds of many NBA fans. Count me among the many. I didn’t really have a problem with Lebron’s decision, and though his chosen method of announcement was boorish that’s not what swayed my opinion. No, for me it was the introduction party they held shortly after joining forces complete with an ostentatious video of the new “Big Three” (Wade, James & Bosh) strutting around a stage with smoke, music and flashing lights in a production that would have made Lady Gaga proud. “Hey everyone, look at us!” I guess it didn’t occur to them to include their inconsequential teammates in the video. All these theatrics were happening before they won a single game of course. And there was Bosh, perhaps the proudest one of all, right in the middle of the action with his scowl face (in mid-season form) and clenched fists swaggering around like he had just slayed the dragon. Quite a display of hubris from the man who single handedly renders the term “Big Three” a misnomer. They should call it “the big 2 with tag-along Chris”. Wade and James could pick up a three guys off the street and still win 45 games but Bosh seems to think he is a vital cog. Nope, I’m not Bosh fan.

Fast forward a few months and the Heat are in the middle of a five game losing streak and there is Bosh sitting at the post-game podium in tears. Ordinarily my senstive side would rise to the surface and I’d feel compassion for a fellow human in pain, but in this case I laughed so hard that beer came out my nose. Later on Bosh complained that he doesn’t feel comfortable in his role and suggested he’s not getting enough touches. Well imagine that; you put three guys together who are accustomed to being the focal point of their team, you have one basketball to share, and they can’t all be the big star. Who could have seen that coming?

Despite Miami’s recent struggles I wouldn’t count them out. They have the talent, and if they get hot during the playoffs they could ride that wave to a championship and have the last laugh on all us new found Miami haters. In the meantime, forgive me if I revel in their agony.