Well, this is bad news for my enemies…
See that photo? That little, red, twisty thing is what Italian scientists call a “corno”; it means “horn” in English. This one came from Naples and, according to well-substantiated scientific fact, it will likely change my life.
The "science", which is sometimes called "conjecture" by the haters, has been passed along from Italian grandma to Italian grandma for generations, and has proven the following fact: the corno attracts good fortune and repels curses if it is (1) made by hand, (2) painted red, and (3) given as a gift.
Check, check, check; mine meets all 3 criteria.
So now that I have received this gift, how do I expect my life to change?
Well, of course, unlikely events of good fortune will find me on a regular basis. You can follow me on social media to keep track of my forthcoming holes in one, straight flushes, and appearances on Jumbotrons at major sporting events. This is likely to be so common that I may need to register the handle @JumbotronGuy to launch my career as an influencer.
But more importantly, if any of you imaginary readers have ever put a curse on me, it will no longer be effective. The curse-cancelling powers of the corno are a well-established fact that drives the entire superstition industry in Naples.
No stopping me now... your move enemies!
