Two Hammers...

My grandfather built houses for a living, including many in the town where I grew up. Late in his life, he began giving away some of his tools that he knew he would no longer use.  I fondly recall the day when he gave me his well-worn hammer. It was old, the head was chipped, and though it looked worthless, I knew it represented a lifetime of diligent work.

My father was also a builder, although that was not his primary occupation. I only know of one house that he built; it is the one where I lived for my entire childhood and where my mother still lives. 

Earlier this year, after my father passed away, I found myself in the basement of his home, surveying his tool bench and the many artifacts of the simple life he had lead. Hanging neatly within a traced outline, I found his seasoned hammer, a near replica of the one his father had wielded.  

Both bore the signs of strenuous wear, and both evoked the values of discipline and integrity with which their owners had swung them. I see them as symbols of honest and productive labor; I cherish them as fitting tributes to two of the men who helped shape my character. 

Fly Safe!

You all may recognize the line “If you see something, say something” as the tagline from the advertising campaign run by the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). It is ubiquitous on airport posters and billboards and is supported by near constant announcements over the crystal clear airport PA systems. Its intent is to enlist the masses to identify anything that looks out of place or suspicious.

 

Personally, I like the idea of reminding everyone to be vigilant. I appreciate and support this effort to keep airports safe.

 

So yesterday, I had a fairly long layover in Chicago and I sought out a quiet space where I could avoid the crowds and read while I waited. I found an inactive gate with only two or three people sitting among 50 or 60 empty seats. There was also a black backpack tucked under one of the empty seats and I fully expected some panicked passenger to come rushing back for it at any second.

 

After a half hour or so, a few agents showed up at the gate to prepare for an upcoming flight and the backpack was still unclaimed. Being fully sensitized by the constant advertisements, I decided to approach the agents to make them aware of the situation. I didn’t expect them to see it as a potential threat but, at a minimum, I thought they would secure the bag and try to find the owner. But they just laughed it off and dismissed me.

 

Some time later, a policeman with a bullet-proof vest, a gun in his holster, and handcuffs hanging from his belt arrived on the scene. I noticed another passenger spoke to him and pointed out the backpack. I heard the policeman laugh and say “they forget luggage and phones and even babies sometimes…ha ha ha”. Then he wandered away, ostensibly in search of donuts.

 

I didn’t think the backpack posed a real threat, but I surely didn’t expect total apathy from the airport officials. Especially since, an hour earlier, they made a big deal about throwing away my toothpaste when I passed through security.

Legacy Planning...

Darwin’s theory of evolution, Newton’s laws of motion, Planck’s constant; some guys get lauded in every high school science class, across the world, every year. Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, Avogadro’s number, Einstein’s theory of relativity; the list of branded scientific axioms goes on and on.

 

These eponymous nuggets of human insight are systematically passed along by the educational system to every new generation. It’s a brilliant form of legacy perpetration.

 

Archemedes’ Principle, Pythagorean’s theorem, Occam’s razor (a razor?)… they give these out like candy. I am wondering, "how hard could it be to get one of my own?"

 

Now, I don’t want to do any hard work or anything. I’m not about to invent the static-electric motor (shout out to John Galt) or map the human connectome. I figure if I toss a few ideas into cyberspace (via this blog post) and you imaginary readers reference my concepts in your conversations and social media posts, the world just might one day associate an important idea with my name. #BulletProofLegacy 

 

Here are options to get the ball rolling:

 

The Fortier Principle of Accidental Genius
Given enough time and vague ambition, a person will eventually say something that sounds profound — entirely by accident. This is how TED Talks happen 

 

Dennis’ Postulate of Selective Memory
People remember things in whatever way makes them feel smarter, kinder, or funnier. The rest is lost to the void. History books work the same way.

 

The Fortier Phenomenon
Any idea, no matter how impractical or absurd, can gain credibility if you present it with a confident tone and a bulleted list. I bet you’re nodding right now.

 

Fortier's Cognitive Load Paradox

The more tabs you have open in your browser, the less you remember why you opened any of them, but the more afraid you are to close them in case they are important. It’s a paradox.

 

Den's Feedback Loop

When your smart devices recommend things based on your past choices, which reinforces future choices until your entire digital life is just ads for golf lessons and reels of random people who trip, slip, or bump their heads.

 

Fortier's Mirror Effect

The tendency to believe information more readily when it confirms your own mildly flattering self-perception. “It says people with messy desks are geniuses. Must be true." Fortier’s Mirror Effect.

 

The rest is up to you all. Just go ahead and use these concepts liberally; one or another is bound to catch on. 

 

Immortality, here I come!

 

Biggest News story of 21st Century

When the twin towers of the World Trade Center fell in 2001, I couldn't imagine any plausible news story that could have had more news coverage around the world. Perhaps my view was a bit USA-centric, for surely there were corners of the globe dealing with more important matters carrying more consequential local impact.

Then, in 2019, along came the Corona virus. There was no geographical escape from this news story; it was all Covid-19, all day long, for months on end, as the world grappled with a complex debate about how big a threat was actually at hand.

In comparison to today, those were cute little news stories. Today we know what serious, comprehensive coverage looks like. For a story to simultaneously command all channels of media and dominate all water-cooler dialogue, it must have important consequences that resonate throughout all societies. You know, something like this:

Kind of shocking to me how much play this story has gotten. I don't know about you all, but I am not taking my mistress to any Cold Play concerts...
 

Moving Walkways

 

 

One of mankind’s great innovations for accelerating the movement of pedestrian masses across long spaces is the moving walkway. They are strategically located in airports and other large buildings where people need to walk long distances under time pressure.  

 

These magical belts move slowly enough to allow travelers to step safely on and off, but quickly enough to get you to gate C36 before your flight leaves for Cleveland. Moving walkways are great. I love moving walkways.  

 

Of course, somewhere along mankind’s slow descent into a sloth-like existence, a false notion about moving walkways has taken hold. That false notion is that the purpose of a moving walkway is to replace walking. Somehow, a portion of the public has come to perceive them as moving “ride-ways”, with no walking involved. 

 

 Hey, no big deal. If you prefer to stand still, then stand still. Be my guest. Just don’t do it on the walkway where you impede the progress of grumpy old men trying to make a connection.

Privacy Shmivacy...

Privacy is great if you want it, but can be pretty inconvenient when you don't. Seems like we should be able to "opt out" of privacy at our own discretion.

For example, if you fill out a detailed medical history listing every condition in your family, from maternal and fraternal grandparents on down, including every allergy, surgery, and medication you've ever had, then you have compiled a very important and useful compendium of information that could help all of your doctors deliver optimal care. But if privacy policies dictate that the only person who can see your information is the one who requested it, then you may have just wasted a lot of time. Especially if you completed the exercise for an ophthalmologist during a routine exam. 

From a technology standpoint, such information is very sharable in electronic form. However, from a legal standpoint, healthcare institutions are required to "protect their patients' information" in accordance with state and federal regulations. The state regulations in California are extreme, by the way. 

Seems a little odd to me that individuals have no say in whether or not they want privacy. It has become a mandate, at all times, at the highest levels, even when it is neither important nor convenient to maintain. 

Phone Eats First

 

I know I am in the minority here and that most of you imaginary readers will hate this opinion. Anyway, here goes...

Food is sustenance. We need it to live. It's okay to dine on food that is cold, stale, or tasteless. Eating an unsatisfying meal won't kill you. In fact, it will keep you alive. Literally.

When eating out, there is really no need to consider and rank order every single item on the menu before ordering; you may rank them if you wish, but it is not required. Every now and then, perhaps you could just read down until you see one you like and get on with it. 

And no, unless we are married to one another, you may not sample my dish to see if you prefer it.

Also, this is important: you can eat food even if you don't take its picture first. I read that 1.3 billion photos of food are posted on Instagram every single day. I might have guessed higher. 

Look... I am happy that you enjoy a fine culinary experience. I also like a tasty meal. But I think requiring a transcendent experience three times a day is a burden that many people impose upon themselves unnecessarily. Set yourself free... it's okay to simply order the first thing on the menu, eat it, and go home. 

There... I said it; let the hate mail flow...

Arresting Art

 

It's the intent of the artist to stir the viewer's emotions. Of course, not all viewers are created equal and some of us are harder to stir than others. I have visited a great many museums around the world, and I find art interesting but I usually do not connect to it on any deep or emotional level. In fact, some of the world’s most famous art, pieces that are renowned for their ability to evoke a reaction and inspire awe, were only moderately engaging to me when I viewed them. 

 

The Mona Lisa? Very small and kind of dark, not sure if I really care if that is a smile or a sneer on her lips. The Last Supper, the Sistine Chapel…? Both nice I guess, but all of the religious symbolism is lost on me. The David, the Thinker...? Each impressive in detail and form, but neither emotionally captivating. 

 

Anyway, I was recently hurrying to a meeting in Los Angeles and I took a shortcut behind the Laker’s arena when…BLAM! I was literally and figuratively stopped in my tracks by the most captivating piece of art I have ever viewed. It was/is an eerily powerful piece. 

 

It is a bronze sculpture honoring Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna, who perished together in a helicopter crash along with several others. The two are depicted in street clothes, sitting on folding chairs (presumably court side at a basketball game), wrapped in angel wings. They are leaning into each other with the casual and loving embrace that any father and daughter would recognize. She is relaxed and secure, laughing with her head on his shoulder. He is quietly alive, embracing his role as protector and provider as he kisses her head.   

 

The sculpture is tucked in a quiet spot in the shadow of the arena, surrounded by a bed of flowers. Its poignancy cannot be ignored.  I walked past it four times last week and, based on my observations, it is a source of riveting interest for every person who encounters it.