Wednesday, March 3, 2010

5 Best Housing Options

If we hold valid the notion that accumulating knowledge in the school of experience results in both gray hair and deep wisdom, then my current mop of gray and white suggests that you should heed my advice. As such, I share with you my thoughts on the 5 best forms of housing accommodations:

1. Live in a 5 Star Hotel - This is the best. The King beds have exquisite linens, the concierge is a single number punch away, and if you hang a bag of dirty socks on your doorknob, they come back clean and folded.

2. Rent an Apartment - Not a bad option. Short leases can keep you relatively flexible, all maintenance problems belong to someone else, and you can usually steal cable from your neighbors.

3. Dwell in Your Friend's Attic - I have done this twice (they called me "Den Frank") . The attic is out of the way so you get your personal space but you can still raid the downstairs fridge late at night. It is generally inexpensive as well.

4. Be Homeless - Nothing prevents the accumulation of clutter like a lack of closet space.

5. Go to Prison - The meals are regular, a job is automatically assigned, and health care is free. Being Bubba's girlfriend probably isn't too fun but that's why this is ranked 5th.

Importantly, I am sure you have noticed that "Own a House" did not make the list. It's down there somewhere after camping, held hostage in the trunk of a VW, strapped down in an insane asylum, and adrift on a raft. Home ownership brings too much aggravation, investment to protect, and maintenance to perform. It's just not a good way of life.

My wisdom is your wisdom. You're welcome.

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