Vexation

Contributed by Auggie
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I was going through my notebook the other day and came across these sports related tidbits that annoy the crap out of me. I like to share.

First, I’m tired of hearing so-called pundits give the same tired analysis of Michael Vick while ignoring the obvious fallacy. It goes like this: “Vick needs to learn to stay in the pocket and not rely on his legs . . .” or something to that effect. But I ask - why should he do that? The very quality that makes Vick a dangerous QB is his freakish athletic ability and his knack for turning would-be sacks into 42 yard gains (as good as a 42 yard pass play). He’s basically Gale Sayers with a rocket arm - why mess with it? Let’s consider the QB rating for a moment. I, like other fans without an advanced mathematics degree, do not fully understand the QB rating but I do know this: it’s basically a measure of a quarterbacks passing efficiency and does not consider running statistics (although maybe it should). In that sense, it’s a perfect way to look at Vick because it separates his “quarterbacking” skills from his running skills. Consider that in Vick’s career with Atlanta (before he spent time in the big house) his QB rating averaged 73.4 a season which is mediocre at best. Quarterbacks capable of a 73.4 rating are a dime a dozen. So why is Vick a winning quarterback and considered (by the same pundits) a good quarterback despite his dismal rating? Because the dude can run! A 73.4 quarterback rating without the running ability is called Derek Anderson. So the next time someone suggests he should stay in the pocket and stop running, just zip it.

So I’m watching the Ryder cup and a player leaves a crucial birdie putt short. This triggered the automatic “you should NEVER leave a birdie putt short” response from one of the high-paid analysts. Now I wholeheartedly agree with that statement as it applies to straight putts. But most putts (including the subject putt) are a combination of speed and break, and the combination of these variables determines where the putt will end up. If you are trying to hole the putt then you need to hit the correct speed for the amount of break. If you’re only concern is to ‘not leave it short’ then you’re liable to hit it through the break and still miss. Worse, if you hit too far past the hole you’ll leave yourself with a Danny DeVito just to save par (i.e. a nasty little 5 footer).

Tony Sparano annoys me. Why does he wear sunglasses at night and indoors? Is it a sensitive eye condition? Does he think he looks cool? Throw in the 70s porn mustache and I really don’t know what he is thinking. If he is going for the dorky-professional-poker-player look then he nailed it. How can you take that guy seriously? Dork!

Does Fox really need six high-paid analysts for the NFL pre-game and half-time shows? Naturally they all want to talk, and they usually do at the same time. And who can understand Shannon Sharpe even when he has the floor? The first time I heard him I thought he had just come from a root canal and the novocain hadn’t worn off, but apparently that’s his normal speech. Half time is only 12 minutes long and 8 of those are commercials promoting other Fox shows so that doesn’t leave much time for the boys to feed their egos. Brent Musburger and Irv Cross used to handle everything just fine. I can’t wait for the Hollywood Squares set arrangement when they have a different analyst assigned to each game with a host lighting up their square when it’s their turn in the spotlight.

Why do tennis players always fall to the ground and put their hands on their head after winning a match? There has to be an alternate celebration routine out there. I’m still waiting for someone with originality to break the mold.

I could go on but I’m starting to annoy myself.