Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day
A letter from Auggie
Dear Red Sox Nation,
First, a belated congratulations on vanquishing your 86 year curse back in the 04 season. That had to feel good. And then validating that championship with another one in 07 was a splendid touch. Well done. I’m sorry to hear about the unfortunate side effect of winning multiple championships; the one where you went from lovable losers that everyone rooted for, to hated elitists whose failure is cheered. It’s a bit disconcerting to occupy the alcove of public opinion normally reserved for axe murderers and Justin Bieber, but hey, that’s what happens when you are at the top and then you try to buy championships every year. Just look at your evil neighbors to the southwest, they had a monopoly (pun intended) on that vitriol for many years, and deservedly so I might add. So why am I writing to you now? It’s to offer my condolences on the new era you are about to enter – the Bobby Valentine era. I’m not sure if there is a new curse to blame, but this valentine was obviously sent by Cupid’s evil twin, the one with the poisonous arrows in the quiver. Your owners obviously don’t watch much baseball. Sure, you can expect an entertaining year but if you want to regain the World Series feeling you might need to break out that championship DVD you purchased in your post-curse euphoria (it's probably on your shelf right next to ABBA’s greatest hits). But really, this hire does make sense; the Sox clubhouse resembled a circus at the end of this last season so it’s only fitting that they bring in a clown. Happy rooting.
P.S. The accompanying picture was not doctored. That’s your new manager upon sneaking back to the dugout with a fake mustache disguise after being ejected from a game. Good times