What's Wrong with this Picture?

While I consider myself fairly well grounded and generally capable of keeping the world in perspective, I admit that I am not immune to certain petty aggravations. I have alluded to such petty aggravations in previous posts when I was annoyed at Starbucks and when I was bewildered by our national caffeine obsession.

I snapped the photo above yesterday, while feeling both annoyed and bewildered. Naturally, it happened at Starbucks.

I went in with my 12 year-old and our brief visit was, in part, a reward for her completion of a very challenging but successful year in school. I should note that I was feeling a little disheartened that she considered Starbucks to be a destination of such high interest. As we entered, my fears about the corruptive influences of hyper-consumerism and peer-pressure were just below the surface.

Once inside, I was forced to wait in a long line of fashionistas, ordering incredibly ridiculous sounding concoctions, that took a long time to make and were, by all logical measures, way over-priced. I began to feel disappointed in the collective intelligence of my community, impatient about waiting for something I didn't personally think was worth waiting for, and pessimistic about the bleak future of humanity. But I pressed on.

After we ordered and positioned ourselves at the end of the bar where the drinks are served, I snapped the picture above.  As you can see, there was a crowd of children awaiting expensive caffeinated drinks. It struck me as wrong on every level.

In all honesty, I don't feel like I can afford to frequent Starbucks on a regular basis. Technically, I have the funds available; I just don't think coffee that costs $4/cup is a good value, and I don't think one should make a habit out of low value activities. Starbucks is convenient and always available when you need a coffee, but how can a 12 year old afford to pop in daily on the way to school?

One of those silly drinks plus a pastry (the standard order I observed) costs about $7, which is $35 per school week. I'm pretty sure you can lease a Honda for that amount.  How can 12 year-olds who have never worked a day in their lives, afford more than me, a haggard old duffer who has worked 70 hour weeks for the past 20 years?

What is wrong with this picture?

Fall of the Qing Dynasty

I remember learning as a schoolboy about the powerful civilization of the Qing dynasty that crumbled under the weight of a pervasive opium addiction. For some reason, that piece of history always stayed with me as it seemed so improbable that an entire nation of adults could all travel such a treacherous path in complete unison, without changing course, until inevitably reaching their tragic and ruinous destination.

These thoughts come back to me when I take my children to school each morning and note that very near 100% of the parents accompanying their children to school are carrying with them large travel-mugs filled (presumably) with coffee. Each of the many teachers I see, already on duty supervising the students on campus, also carries a mug with them on the job. So does the crossing guard. And the traffic monitor. And the principal.

After lunch, when I too indulge in the caffeine habit, I am always struck by the high number of very young people (teens) also buying coffee while I am there. Vast containers of coffee. It is actually quite alarming to see the habit taking hold so forcefully at such a young age.

I suppose caffeine is not so destructive as opium but the historical parallel is interesting. Just a little something to ponder over your next cup of Jo.

Long Live Newspapers

I'm hip, I'm fly, I'm phat. I get technology. I'm down with Web 2.0 and I am all for progress, dog.

Alright, I'm faking it. I might as well come clean: I like newspapers. Does that make me a troglodyte?

They should be easy to eschew. Big flapping sheets of tissue paper that smear ink on your hands and have a shelf life of a few hours but an afterlife (in the landfills) of a hundred years or so. Not very green. Not even very timely given the 11pm deadline for the next morning's news.

So what's to like?

I guess it's that they've been an enjoyable part of my day for too many years. Just imagining the quiet of the dawn with a hot cup of coffee and a crisply folded daily puts me into a relaxed but anticipatory mood. It's a ritual that can get me ready for just about any type of day. I can't imagine that they could one day (and a soon day at that) all be gone.

But I know they could be.

Blue Collar Coffee

Will one of you imaginary readers please take this can't-miss business idea and implement it so that, in the future, I can get a convenient cup of coffee without going to Starbucks. The idea is simple: open up a chain of coffee shops and call the product "coffee". Not venti or grande or latte or mocha....just coffee.

In terms of delivery, the coffee should be all brewed so when some one orders it, you need only pour it in a cup and hand it over for fifty cents. The only discussion required between the customer and the cashier (that's right, no baristas at Blue Collar Coffee) will be aimed at determining how many cups are to be purchased.

In terms of training and communicating, this approach will be easy on your employees and your customers will appreciate the simplicity as well. Regardless of how they try to obscure the fact, Starbucks just sells coffee. I can't fathom the rational for making it all so complex (a process that leads to me waiting in long lines behind incredibly annoying people). After all, coffee is a "commodity". If you look that up you will learn that, when dealing in commodities, one sample is essentially identical to any other sample. There is no escaping the fact that your business will be selling the same product as Starbucks.

I know that location is everything and that the research for identifying a key retail location is both complex and expensive. I recommend you just open up shop across from Starbucks locations; they've already invested in the traffic flow studies.

Let me know when you are opening in the OC, I will be your best customer.